What is “incluing”, and why should you be doing it?
March 1, 2023 | Anna Hawkins
Introducing readers to a new world can be an interesting challenge. This is especially true in science fiction and fantasy, where worldbuilding is often complex and detailed. A writer’s first instinct may be to “info dump”—to explain worldbuilding details in long blocks of exposition that contribute nothing to the plot or characters. “Backstory blabber” and long paragraphs of information about details of the world or the situation cause a story’s plot progression to grind to a halt. There’s a lot of advice floating around out there against writing like this, and with good reason. Generally, readers will skim long sections of exposition, and they won’t retain the granular details, which makes info dumps an exercise in futility.
One of the most widely derided forms of info dump is a little stealthier, but still recognizable when you see it. It’s the “as you know, Bob,” or “idiot lecture”, where one character explains to another character something that both of them should already know, for the supposed benefit of the reader. It’s a shortcut to get the reader up-to-date on the world, a character’s backstory, or the stakes of the situation. It usually reads as clunky and awkward, and it pulls readers out of the story by forcing them to suspend their suspension of disbelief. Take this example: “As you know, Bob, we live in Houston, Texas. It’s 2045, and our whole city has been permanently flooded by massive hurricanes and rising sea levels. We live at the tops of what once were the downtown skyscrapers, the only buildings tall enough to survive the rising seas. We collect rainwater to drink, and our diet mostly consists of what we can fish out of the sea. And there haven’t been many fish around lately.”
If that example made your eyes glaze over a little bit, you understand why writers and editors alike advise against info dumps. Making the story take a backseat to extended sections of exposition can deter even the most avid readers.
This isn’t to say that info dumping is always bad. It can be a very useful tool for writers in the early stages of worldbuilding, character building, or drafting, when the only audience for the story is the writer themself. In those stages, blocks of exposition help the writer better understand their own world, which in turn helps them better tell their story. Writing a character’s backstory in order to better understand and develop nuance in their behavior is never a waste. However, when redrafting, the author needs to turn a critical eye toward all the detail that went into forming the story and determine what the reader needs to know. Most of not all of the info dumps should be removed in favor of holding a potential reader’s attention.
So, in the absence of info dumps, how do you explain to your readers the workings or a world that may be very different from our own? How do you explain what motivates a character if you can’t tell the audience directly?
You may have heard writers and editors offering the advice, “show, don’t tell.” What they’re really saying is, “use incluing!” Incluing, or indirect exposition, is a storytelling tool that writers use to help them explain their world or characters to their readers without actually explaining anything. The word “incluing” is attributed to author Jo Walton, who defines it as “ the process of scattering information seamlessly through the text, as opposed to stopping the story to impart the information.” (source) Basically, that means weaving details about the characters and the world into the plot without slowing the story down to focus on details.
It's probably immediately obvious why this approach is better than info dumping when it comes to worldbuilding in fiction. Rather than putting the plot on hold for a paragraph or more of exposition, which would dull the interest of most readers, with incluing, the reader can learn about the world while still being engaged by the plot. If you’ve found yourself wondering how you can keep a reader interested in your book, incluing is the first thing you should try.
Take the following examples. One paragraph uses exposition to impart worldbuilding details, while the other employs incluing.
The man paced through the market stalls. Like all the people of his world, his body was covered in a thick coat of feathers. His were vibrant crimson, an uncommon color. Bony pinions sprouted from the outside edge of his hand and sported long flight feathers. These he kept tucked up against his forearm when not in use. His face alone was bare of feathers, and his features were a strange mixture of human and avian. No shoes covered his clawed feet. He stopped at a stall and smiled at the shopkeeper. Her feathers were gold, and ruffled around her face as she smiled back.
“Morning,” he said.
Now the second example:
The man paced through the market stalls, his crimson feathers glimmering in the morning sun. Spotting a shopkeeper he knew, he raised a hand, taking care to keep his pinion folded tight against his forearm so as not to bump into anything. “Morning,” he called.
The shopkeeper looked up from her wares. She smiled, the expression ruffling the golden feathers that framed her face. “Morning. What are you looking for today? Anything in particular?”
The man scratched at the cobblestones with one clawed foot. “I heard you have some rare jewelry from Faraway. It’s my wife’s birthday tomorrow; I’d love to surprise her.”
“I see.” The shopkeeper bent to rummage behind her counter. When she straightened, something glittered in her hands. “I think I have just the thing.”
Both of these examples tell the same part of the same story. But which is more engaging? Which feels more like it’s telling a story, keeps the plot moving forward? In the second example, the reader misses out on a little bit of the technical description. It’s not explained exactly how the man’s pinions are attached to the rest of his arm, it’s not directly said that he’s not wearing shoes, nor is it directly explained that their faces are bare of feathers. However, enough of the detail is there to give the reader a pretty accurate picture of the characters in the scene. In the second example, not only does the reader get a vivid image of the characters, they also get to see them interact and move through the plot, all in about the same number of words as the paragraph of exposition!
The concept of incluing is pretty simple, but it can be difficult to master. Like all writing techniques, though, all it takes is diligent practice and a keen eye. Here are some ways you can practice integrating incluing into your writing process:
Use dialogue.
Dialogue is an excellent technique to help readers feel connected to your characters and move the plot along. It’s easy to impart knowledge about your fictional world using dialogue between two characters. However, take care with this technique, because it’s all too easy to descend into an “idiot lecture”. For example, a character who uses magic can explain to a new trainee how magic works, assuming knowledge of magic isn’t freely available in your world. Or a character can explain a new discovery to another character. “Did you know vareds drink only fresh morning dew?” “No, interesting. It would probably be easy to catch one at dawn, then.” Arkady Martine, in her multi-award-winning Teixcalaan series, uses internal dialogue between two characters to reveal their shared world.
Incorporate flashbacks.
In a world unlike our own, readers may have a hard time understanding why characters act or react in certain ways. Flashbacks can explain a character’s actions to the reader by showing the kind of world that grew up in, without a need for long paragraphs of something like, “Corinth reacted this way because, in her world, many children are forcibly taken from their families by cultists when they turn five. The cultists teach children to use magic, and in time, they forget their families.” Instead, you can flashback to Corinth’s childhood and show the reader what it’s like when children are taken from their families, and how it affects the children who are left behind. This elicits more of an emotional response in readers than an explanation would. It’s important to be judicious with flashbacks, though, because shifts through time can be confusing and stall the forward momentum of the story. N.K. Jemisin, in her multi-award-winning Broken Earth trilogy, employs flashbacks particularly well to reveal the origins of her character’s personality and traumas.
Narrate a character’s backstory.
This technique is similar to using flashbacks, but it’s not quite the same. Rather than taking a whole paragraph or scene to show something happening in a character’s past, you can briefly describe what happened within a scene. For example, “Corinth stopped short, staring wide-eyed at the mage standing before her. It couldn’t be. ‘Valen?’ The mage hesitated, and in that moment, Corinth knew. This man was her brother, taken by the cult twenty years ago.” This technique can be very useful for sprinkling in worldbuilding details alongside revealing information about your character. But be careful, it’s easy for this technique to turn into exposition. Django Wexler, in his Burningblade and Silvereye series, uses this technique to show how his characters have been affected by their world.
Share a character’s thoughts.
It’s important to get inside the heads of your characters to help readers feel more connected to them and their world. A character’s inner thoughts can reveal not only details about their world that would otherwise be hidden, but also how they feel about those details. For example, a character might think something like, “I’m so tired of this capitalistic content mill. There has to be a better way to live.” When using this technique as incluing, beware of “head hopping”—revealing the inner thoughts of more than one character in the same scene. This can confuse readers. Stick with one character, and only switch points of view at scene or chapter breaks. In her multi-award-winning Imperial Radch series, Ann Leckie writes from the point of view of a character who isn’t entirely human, so the reader’s ability to see her inner thoughts is invaluable.
Provide background details.
Incorporating details builds a picture for the reader and reveals how the world is both like and unlike our own. This is what I did in the above example. I weaved background information into the advancing plot, incorporating only the most relevant details to inclue the reader into what the characters looked like. The challenge with this technique is determining which bits of background information are strictly necessary and which can be left to the reader’s imagination. In my example, I didn’t bother describing what the market looked like, focusing instead on the characters’ appearances, which was the biggest deviation from our own world. Yoon Ha Lee, in his award-winning Machineries of Empire series, weaves extravagant background details seamlessly into the plot to build vibrant settings.
Overall, incluing is the gold standard for worldbuilding on the page. It will keep readers more engaged with your stary than exposition, and will make them come back wanting more. Use the techniques presented here to practice incluing for yourself! Short stories are a great way to develop different writing techniques without the time commitment of a novel. But if you’re a longform writer, don’t worry if you have lots of detail and “backstory blabber” in your first draft. Culling the extra detail and improving pace is something that can happen as you redraft. Remember, the first draft only has to exist.
If you feel like you’re having trouble keeping exposition out of your writing, the Tomeworks editors are here to help! A line editor focuses on fixing clunky exposition, flat dialogue, repetitive descriptions, overused words, confusing details, and other issues with the tone of the story at the line level while maintaining your unique authorial voice. Interested? Contact us for a consultation today!
